Friday, July 31, 2009

Why Do I Hold On To The Nagging?

The little nagging messages can come at any point day or night. They tell me what I did wrong, what I am doing wrong, what a failure I am. They cause worry about what I should and should not be doing. And then will question that. They can cause me to awake in the middle of the night anxious and stop me in my tracks during the day. If I dwell there too long, they build a fear that keeps me from doing anything productive.

I have read and heard all sorts of ways to get past these. From spiritual to religious to metaphysical to herbal. There are drugs to help you forget and numb the anxiety. Or you can pick a convenient (or inconvenient) addiction like gambling or sex or just living so fast you don't take time to notice or feel. Some have said that you just need to trust in God. Some that you need to command it to go away. I think I have read about and tried most remedies for nagging thoughts and anxiety that are out there.

The worst cycle goes something like this: Nagging thought - "You didn't do that right." Me back against that - "Just trust in God and he will direct you." Nagging thought - "Well, do you really think you are trusting Him enough to direct you? Maybe you are not doing it enough." Me back - "I have to believe I am. I am doing my best." Nagging thought - "Really? You call that your best? What about this? And this? You slacker! Can you really trust that you can hear Him?" And on, and on, and on.

Then something hit me. Why am I fighting this battle of words of such a creature? Is it even my battle? What a cunning technique of warfare! Get me running around in circles until I am frantic and I am of no good to anyone.

So this morning the nagging started. I decided that it wasn't mine and handed it to my Saviour. The battle is His and He has already won it. He is sitting at the right hand of my Father and is preparing a place for me. He is Lord over my past, present and future. How foolish of me to even think I could fight that battle.

With that, in an instant, a million tons was lifted off of my shoulders. I cannot begin to tell you the Peace that came over me. Such a flood of Peace.

Now Satan will have to face someone else besides just me. He will have to face the One that makes him shudder.

"You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that - and they shudder."
James 3:19 NIV

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